Illness may be inevitable but no matter how severe it is, when you accept it you can cure it. Physical illness may hurt but depression is not easy to take as it is because it is against your pride to be weakened by something you know exists only in the mind when mentally is what you are good at as how an artist is excellent at his landscape painting.
And you realized that it is something that you do not shy away from. People break down, mentally and emotionally. Once acknowledged, it is easily cured. Healing must not come from outside force, all the more that it will aggravate the situation, most especially where there are people to be involved left and right. With all of one’s might, healing has to initiate from within. From years of depression recurring, one can tell the pattern or if not, the person can assess herself if she or he is again in the same state. You remember the first time it started. Obviously, it wasn’t you who noticed it. It was the nanny. She kept on telling you that something is wrong. It did not sink in but when you looked at yourself in the mirror, you saw yourself different. You noticed that from skinny, you became more and looked so sick. Your lips darkened. With all your might, you woke up from this. You looked at the nanny and saw how she had grown big since the time you took her under your care. You looked at your son and realized how you made him so beautiful and classy. You saw the dogs and they were healthy from the imported food and toiletries that you used to get for them. And you knew that the one who stayed with you visits the beach on a weekly basis.
It did not take an hour to act from realization that yourself needed you that time. There was no means if means meant spending. You checked the internet which food will make you glow again. You got inspiration from beautiful people in the internet and tried to make yourself one. You went vegetarian. You went to the salon. You did not spend big bucks but what you gave for yourself meant sacrifice to others who live in the house. You did not starve them but you have certain preparations based from your internet search that were meant for you only. You got yourself back. You liked the way you looked. You felt attractive. You never knew that all the while there were people watching. The only help that you had then was the nanny. If not for her and her understanding, you would not make it. These people behind took her away from you—the only person you had, back then.
You were surprised that you just received character attack left and right that you were the only one eating and you were keeping food. Your nanny who was your only help that time was orchestrated to leave the house. They worked on you not because they sensed depression. They worked from character attack. It went on for years. It was just recently you realized why your life was a hell. And it is because you were under the strict watch of an enemy who pretended to be siding with you, your illness turned to fury. They saw the power of God in you and if perhaps, you would only ask God to collapse the earth so you could see the people wailing, you would. And you realized, why you had extreme depression was because of the same people who were with you along the way while fighting for it. And it was not just a story wall painting tells but it was for real.
People were used against you. People were brainwashed. The answer was pretty obvious. They wanted you sulked in from your state of illness. After all, it was them who brought such to you. It had been years that you had been under the strictest watch of people who were not for you but in disguise to be “ for you”. And truly, they are unforgivable.